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An excerpt from The Obscene Chronicles...

Sometimes it is best to work alone. But nine times out of ten, you will need some assistance. A team is much more powerful than any one individual. Therefore, you’ll be much more successful if you have some help. To demonstrate this idea, we like to use the popular analogy known as “having a wingman.” The three of us have been using the “wingman technique” for years. We have since expanded on it and perfected it. These tactics have proven to be a successful strategy for the three of us, so maybe it can for you as well.
Just think of yourself as a hotshot Air Force pilot. A fighter pilot would never be sent into combat alone, and certainly not without a detailed mission plan and a list of targets. Your approach on women should be similar. Just as in combat, you too must have a strategy.
Sometimes when you approach hostile territory, you may need to divide your forces. Every fighter squadron has a chain of command. There is always a wing commander and at least one wingman. You may even have an entire squadron at your disposal, depending on how many friends you brought on the mission. Most of the time you will need a “scout,” and sometimes you may even require a “kamikaze” pilot. Each pilot’s rank and role within the squadron may vary, depending on the mission’s objectives.
Every mission is different, but here is a typical example. First, the wing commander identifies the woman he is interested in. We will call her the “primary target.” Next, he sends a scout in to do reconnaissance and gather intelligence. It is the scout’s job to find out the number of friends the primary target has with her. We will call them “bogeys.” The scout should also observe as many details as possible, such as wedding rings, and anti-air defenses (otherwise known as boyfriends or husbands).
Next, the scout reports back to the wing commander for debriefing. If the wing commander decides that the mission is a “go,” he moves in on the primary target. The other wingmen should cover him from a safe distance and observe his progress. If he is shot down immediately, then the mission must be aborted. But if he survives the first few moments, then it may be time for the wingmen to move in and take out the bogeys. They should watch for the wing commander to give any necessary hand signals (described later). Even though it is not uncommon for a wingman to score with a bogey, the primary objective is to keep the bogeys away from the primary target. The wing commander must have room to work with, without having to dodge crossfire from the cock-blocking bogeys.
But sometimes, even a well-laid plan will backfire. So you must have a contingency plan. For example, if the primary target takes an interest in one of the wingmen instead, then the wing commander must back off and provide cover for the new wing commander. The roles have been switched. In other words, every pilot must watch each other’s back and change formation if necessary. Being selfish or egotistical is never a wise move while in combat.
Here is yet another scenario. Have you ever noticed how sometimes attractive girls have very ugly friends? It is a symbiotic relationship and a good strategy for both of them. The fat or ugly girl will get more attention by hanging out with an attractive friend, and the attractive girl has no competition from an ugly friend. This is a tough combo to defeat. The primary target will automatically divert any unwanted advances towards her ugly friend, whom she is always trying to help out (mainly out of pity). And the ugly one is usually very aggressive at intercepting the wing commander before he can make any progress with the primary target. Nobody wants to be the wingman in this mission.
This is where the “kamikaze” comes into play. The kamikaze has to be a guy that just doesn’t give a fuck. He must be willing to go on the suicide mission and take one for the team. The wing commander sends him into battle first. The kamikaze’s role is to take the fat bitch out of the equation. This leaves the primary target defenseless. The wing commander is now free to move in for the kill.
This is a very popular analogy that the three of us have been using for years, but we do not claim to be the sole inventors of it. Many men’s magazines have produced articles using the same analogy and similar techniques. Nevertheless, whoever invented this idea was a genius. No plan is perfect, but having a good wingman will increase your odds dramatically.
However, there is only one thing better than a good wingman, and that is a wingwoman. Having a chick that is willing to talk to other girls and try to hook you up is like having your own gold mine. Women have a unique talent when it comes to talking to other women. It’s as if they can fly in under the radar and get past all of the primary target’s defenses undetected. Even the slickest line of bullshit that you and your friends can come up with will not compare to having another woman vouch for you. Having a wingwoman is like having a stealth bomber with a full payload of nuclear warheads on your side.

 

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