"Shit Happens"

...We locked up her car, walked across the parking lot to mine, and headed for my house. As we drove away, I pondered the situation in my head. I’m gonna fuck the shit outta this bitch.

Not two minutes later, we were pulling into the driveway of my house. I parked the car and we both got out. I walked around to the passenger side of the car, only to find her puking her guts out on my driveway! I decided to help her by steadying her with one hand, and holding her hair with another. She continued puking, so I turned my head away. I was closer than I wanted to be, so I sure as hell wasn’t going to watch.
After about a minute she seemed to stop with the barf brigade. I turned my head around to see how she was doing, but when I turned around her face was directly in front of mine. I had no time to react as she gave me some mouth-to-mouth lovin’.

Gross! I would have rather eaten cold puppy leftovers. I pushed her away and told her that we should go inside. While helping her inside through my garage, she whispered to me, “I feel a lot better. You better watch it. You’re gonna get it.” Being the man that I am, any thoughts of the recent barf-kiss were replaced with thoughts of wild, circus-style sex. I helped her inside and anticipated what was to come next. I’m gonna fuck the shit outta this bitch....

...Jaina attacked me like I was a “buy one get two free special.” The bitch was pulling off all my clothes and tossing me all around the bed. She was getting me aroused, but she was also putting me in grave danger. I nearly fell off of the bed four times. This crazy bitch is going to kill me! At one point of my molestation, she had me at the foot of my bed leaning backward off the end. She was licking and biting the hell out of me. I tried desperately to support my weight and hers, as we slowly slid off the edge of the bed. My bed sat fairly high off the ground, so it was a good three and a half foot drop to the hardwood floor below. My head and torso were fully off the bed, and I had to use my butt for leverage for the both of us. She wildly continued to go to town as we dangled in peril backward from the foot of my bed. Just before falling to our certain deaths, I stopped sliding. I stopped sliding because my head had hit the dresser only about two feet from the foot of my bed. For one of the first times ever I was actually relieved to have bumped my head.

That relief quickly went away as Jaina caused me to bump my head a second time, and a third. She had become so excited that she started to dry-hump me. What the fuck is she doing? When she rocked back and forth, my whole body moved and my head repeatedly banged against the front of the dresser. Realizing that I had to stop this before the bitch broke both of my heads, I used what little leverage I had to rise up, grab her, and throw her backwards onto my bed. Despite my new bruises, she had me very aroused with all this rough play. I’m gonna fuck the shit outta this bitch.

We started rolling around on the bed again, continuing her twisted version of foreplay. Every time I tried to take what we were doing to the next step, she would wrestle me into some other uncompromising position. After about forty-five minutes of this nonsense, she stopped me, and said, “Why are we fighting?”

I was totally perplexed by this comment. “I dunno,” I replied. “I’m just trying to have sex with you.”

It was at this point that the drunken woman had a revelation. She took off the little remaining clothes we both had on, and then said, “Just fuck me hard.” It didn’t take long for me to react. We had loud, hard, rough, and very physically-demanding animal sex. I eventually finished and rolled over on my side next to her.

Even though I had finished, she apparently decided to keep on going without me. How do you ask? Well, she started making increasingly loud and high-pitched moans as she rolled up and sat on top of me. She sat on my thigh and starting humping my leg like a dog! What the fuck? I just watched in amazement. I had never seen behavior like this from a human being. I mean, you see dogs doing it in the front yard, and you see it on National Geographic, but you never expect to experience it yourself. Jaina was truly in touch with her animal nature. Being the man that I am, I let her continue. I mean, the woman’s gotta do what she’s gotta do, right? Not to mention it was a hell of a show.

After a few minutes, she reached the point of no return. She was going to either cum, break my thighbone, or both. She let out a long ear-piercing scream that sounded something like Mr. Ed getting prodded in the balls with a hot branding iron. She then began to shake violently, as if she were being electrocuted, and flipped off the corner of my bed, landing on the floor with a loud WHAM!

Whoa! That was the coolest thing I have ever seen. I could hear that Jaina was out of breath, panting on my floor just like any good animal would after sex. Little did I know just how much of the animal initiative she had in her. She said, “I’m so tired, I think I’m just going to sleep here. It’s so warm.”

Jaina had landed on a floor register, and warm air was coming out of it. I told her, “Jaina, you’re naked, you’re on my floor, get up!” I finally had to drag her and pull her up onto my bed. She was exhausted, drunk, and loopy, so she was dead weight. I finally got her up on my bed and she immediately passed out. I tried to go to sleep as well, but she had sprawled out across the entire bed, which left me scrunched uncomfortably on the edge. After about half an hour and several verbal attempts at trying to get her to move, I decided that shoving her was the best choice. I started to push her and talk to her. “Come on, Jaina, move over. You’re hoggin’ my spot.” She wasn’t moving, so I shoved with a little more intent. “C’mon, move.”

And this is when the nightmare began.

She started stirring, and I could tell that she was half-awake and half-asleep. “Go away,” she said in a haunting, monotone voice. She then sat up on the edge of the bed with her back to me, and turned and looked at me. “Just go away!” she said again, this time looking at me with a blank stare while sounding angry. I was getting scared—very scared. She looked like she was possessed. Is this bitch going to kill me?

She scooted across the bed to the edge, slid off the side, and landed on the floor on her butt. She turned around and looked at me with a ghostly look on her face and very coldly said, “I’m sorry.” At this point, I thought for sure her head was going to spin 360° and the devil’s voice would be heard from her mouth. Instead, she just turned her head back around, staring blankly into space.

And that’s when I heard the noise, and became really frightened. That noise would surely be my worst fears realized. I got out of bed, turned on my lamp, and tiptoed around the corner of the bed. I arrived on the other side of the bed to find a pool of liquid streaming towards my feet. Holy shit! Jaina was pissing on my floor! She was in a daze, her eyes were open, but she looked like a zombie. She was officially “out of it.” There was no stopping her now, and no moving her now that the floodgates had opened. I became frantic! I immediately realized I must stop this flood before valuable property was damaged. I quickly moved my clothes behind me to a part of the room well out of reach of the oncoming urine. Spinning around, I stepped outside my bedroom to the nearby hall closet to grab some towels, but the closet was empty. Shit! All the laundry is downstairs! I ran back to my room and found the next-best thing—her clothes.

I quickly built a dam to stop the river of pee-pee before it could reach the hallway and creep into Darren’s room. After a few short minutes, I had the catastrophe under control. I was relieved. I had stopped the madness. Thank God for my hardwood floors! Still in a daze and wavering, Jaina stood up, half spun around, and very clumsily flopped herself back up onto my bed to pass out.

And it was at that point that I realized this bitch had shit on my floor.

That’s right. She shat on my floor! I was overcome with absolute horror. My wish that night had unfortunately come true. I had literally fucked the shit out of this bitch.
Worse yet, she smeared my pillow while flopping herself back onto my bed.
For about ten seconds, I stood there not able to move, with my jaw dropped. The shit was of a chocolate pudding variety. Sprinkles of the shit had splattered on nearby items: my rug, an article of clothing, and her boots (or maybe I should call them her “shit-kickers”).

I didn’t know what the hell to do. I knew that if Darren woke up now and saw the shit, he would most certainly toss her out of the house. She was currently passed out on her stomach, lying face down, so at least her dirty ass wasn’t on my sheets anymore. It was face up with shit all over it! I wasn’t sure if I should just let her sleep, or if I should wake her up, rub her nose in it, and chain her up in the back yard. I decided that we would just talk about it in the morning, and I proceeded to clean up her shit...