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As long as we have your ladies’ attention, this next section is for you as well. Actually, it is written more as advice for men, but by paying attention you could save your man a lot of trouble, since most men are afraid to openly say the following:

The razor is not a difficult piece of machinery to operate. However, many women just don’t seem to get it. There is nothing worse than going down on a woman, only to discover that you need a fucking weed-wacker to find your way around. If this happens, you’ll probably be coughing up hairballs for days. Muff Diving can be a dangerous sport if you’re not careful. Often times it’s dark, so you can’t see what you’re getting into until it’s too late. The “Land Down Under” can be hairy, smelly, or both. But once you dive in, you can’t just stop if you’re not pleased with the playing field; that’s just plain rude. Instead, you should always try to perform a routine inspection of the area first.

There are two basic methods we recommend for testing the battlefield: The “Drive-By” and the “Poke-n-Sniff.” The Drive-By is done by simply kissing on her upper-inner-thigh, and then moving to the inner thigh of the opposite leg. All you have to do is take a good “whiff” on the way. This should tell you if the area may be hazardous to your health. The Poke-n-Sniff is pretty self explanatory. Finger her for a while, and then switch hands. When the opportunity arises, discreetly sniff your finger to determine if things down below are safe for further exploration.

Unfortunately, there are many women out there (even the hot ones) who haven’t mastered the fine art of using the razor. And it makes no sense. Think about it, why would they spend all that time shaving their legs, and then stop when the job is only ninety-five percent done? If any women are actually reading this book, it’s time to pay special attention: THIS IS NOT THE FUCKING ‘70’s ANYMORE! Clean your shit up for God sakes! It’s not that difficult. Boldly take the razor to where no razor has ever gone before. We realize that it may be uncomfortable or itchy at first, but you’ll get used to it eventually, just as your legs are used to it. We’re not asking that you shave everything bald (although that is what many men prefer); all you have to do is keep the “under-carriage” hair-free. And we mean NOTHING underneath. What you do with the “northern” part of the forest is entirely up to you; it’s just a matter of style preference. And there are many styles to pick from when it comes to choosing your carpet. There’s the “Classic Triangle,” the “Landing Strip,” the “Soul Patch,” the “Racing Stripe,” or our favorite: the “Hard-wood Floor.” Your man will appreciate this more than you can imagine, and you will probably receive oral sex much more often. And just to be fair, we should also mention that guys should perform routine maintenance on their package as well. We’re not saying that you guys need to shave your balls, but some basic trimming certainly wouldn’t hurt. No one likes an afro with a cock sticking out of it.

The next question is: How do you let your woman know she needs to shave? It’s an awkward conversation to have, and there really is no tactful way to do it. Most women are so fucking sensitive that any suggestion of this sort will be taken as an insult or a damaging blow to their self-esteem. The best (but not the easiest) way to accomplish this is to try to turn the act of her shaving into something sexually erotic that the two of you can do together. Use it as a form of foreplay, and she will be more willing to let you go “overboard” with the razor. Follow up by giving her the best damn oral sex of her life, and be sure to compliment her on her “new look.” If you’re lucky, she’ll keep it that way. If this doesn’t work, you may have to resort to more drastic measures. Stop giving her oral sex altogether. When she complains about it, or has to request it from you, then give it to her. But this time, don’t let her orgasm (at least not right away). Every time she gets close to orgasm, stop to pull hairs out of your teeth. And make sure she sees it. Do this several times during the oral sex phase of your night. If she’s a smart woman, maybe she’ll get the hint. And if she does finally get the hint and dusts off the razor, be sure to compliment her on a job well done.